Friday, September 25, 2015

The song remains the same

I saw you today
because I didn't know how not to
My fingers snake each other
beneath the diner formica table as you speak
in that torpid way of yours
coming from that ancient face 
older than years lived
you speak of lithium 
and lipitor and thyroid meds
and I listen
and then I get the better of me 
telling myself not to dig too deeply
no fifth degree~
not wanting to be played for a fool 
knowing you know how I feel anout truth, but
not knowing the game
the ins and outs of addiction
talking about lipitor of all things
not peach snapple and vodka 
not over-medicating yourself into oblivion
and I need to avert my eyes while you eat
as tuna sandwich detritus 
sticks to a flaccid mouth
dropping to your lap and
when the check comes
you miscalculate 
can't add and I feel no shame telling you
what you owe
 because I am angry and hurt and sickened
as you sing into your purse 
looking for your money
talkng about your smart phone bill
being $500 dollars for one month about apps that remained on 
and your innocence
it was verizon and 
truth never surfaces
never sees the light of day
as you apologise
about being on drugs
about being in a bad place
about your sorrow 
and the whole time knowing you lie, you are lying
and we make another lunch date for next week or the week after next
and I wonder how you fill your days
but prefer not knowing
because it won't matter
it won't change because
"the song remains the same"
and I listen while
my hands roil beneath the diner formica table

kimberly baker jacovich

Choice ~
in anger
years go
stepping lightly
moment by moment
no laughter
no joy
only familiarity 
too many years
with you

Kimberly Baker Jacovich   10.3.12

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